Enter the wonderful world of Rick Anstotz of Yards Brewing — full of unicorns, rainbows, wizards, and of course, Slayer.
Mike: I guess I probably have to ask you questions about shit.
Rick: I feel like we’re on a date. Should we get a candle?
Mike: I like candles. Do you like candles?
Rick: We do have a candle in Kehoe’s office.
Mike: A candle is definite ambiance for Rick. He likes a subtle flame.
Rick goes to Tom Kehoe’s office to get a candle and returns to have a conversation on their decisions in life that have made their mothers most happy (cutting their hair topped both of their lists).
Mike: What was the happiest day of your life?
Rick: The day I met my fiancé.
Mike: That’s the fucking cutest answer in the world. Look at you.
Rick: I bought you a shot the day we started dating.
Mike: You bought me a shot?
Rick: Remember I saw you at Standard Tap? I was all excited and I came over and bought shots.
Coming across as an old married couple themselves, they continue to discuss the wedding for quite some time.
Rick: Can this interview go for three hours? I don’t think we’ve actually talked about anything yet.
Mike: It probably could, but there are a few questions in there. But OK…what is your title here at Yards?
Rick: I like Sales Dictator. I just sit in a chair and yell at people all day. Actually, I sleep and then yell at people.
Mike: Cushy job. What did you start at Yards as?
Rick: I was a keg cleaner.
Mike: No shit. This is like a success story. Like a rags to riches story.
Rick: Rudy. It’s like Rudy! I moved up to bottling monkey. I wanted to move towards brewing but they told me I like to talk to people too much so they wanted me to be a sales rep. They handed me some sales sheets and said, “Here you go.”
Mike: You use to be my favorite Yards employee, but Kristin is my favorite now. Just pointing it out… Kristen is definitely my favorite.
Rick: That’s fine.
Mike: If you weren’t working in the beer industry, what would you do? Dream job?
Rick: I’d probably just do a lot of drugs and write death metal [music].
Mike: I kind of expected half of that story.
Rick: The drug part? If I didn’t do beer, I’d continue to play in a metal band but I’d probably be doing something with environmental sciences.
Mike: Fucking tree-hugger metal head.
Rick: I like science. It’s fun. I read Space.com all the time.
This leads to a ten minute conversation about Myspace which logically leads to Rick talking about riding Falcor at a film studio in Germany.
Mike: What are your top 5 favorite bands, not in alphabetical order?
Rick: Nine Inch Nails, Black Dahlia Murder, In Flames…
Mike: (interrupting) I like that you listened and didn’t list them in alphabetical order. That’s awesome!
Rick: …Darkest Hour and Slayer. I love Slayer but the recent change, the guitarist just died, it was a sad day. In metal terms, one of those sad days that’s the equivalent of Michael Jackson in the beer industry dying.
Mike: I thought you meant the pop artist.
Rick: I mean, I cried that day too.
Mike: It was sad.
Rick: The whole Slayer thing is a huge part of me.
Mike: If you could be a natural disaster what would you be?
Rick: That’s awesome. Does Armageddon count?
Mike: Armageddon isn’t really a natural disaster.
Rick: It is natural because it’s the end of the world.
Mike: It depends really if we get into God.
This leads to a ten minute discussion about Def Leppard and their Halloween costume plans for next year…and then back to the question:
Rick: I’m going to have to get deep with this one. It’s got to be brutal.
Mike: It only has to be brutal if you want it to be. You could be a really nasty hailstorm.
Rick: Maybe acid rain that catches on fire, that’s like fire from the skies.
Mike: I don’t know if that’s possible, actually.
Rick: So maybe like a typhoon.
Mike: I think you’re better than that.
Rick: Other than Armageddon, I can’t think of a cooler natural disaster…I want to destroy.
Mike: I think you’d want to be locusts or something.
Rick: Locusts are cool but that’s a plague. Maybe a super awesome earthquake where the tectonic plates completely separate and swallow an entire continent.
Mike: In a non-industrial area so people don’t die. Would you want to kill a lot of people if you were a natural disaster?
Rick: If I was a natural disaster, I might as well take the world with me. Would I be dying too or am I just a natural disaster? It’s not really a disaster if I don’t kill anyone. If I just swallow up an empty island, it’s just a natural occurrence. A natural disaster is when something awful happens.
Mike: That’s fine. They were probably assholes anyways.
Rick: They were probably dicks.
Mike: So, you like natural disasters. That’s good to know
Mike: If you had the choice of seeing a wizard sliding down a rainbow or a unicorn riding in a kangaroo’s pouch, which would you rather see?
Rick: Wizard sliding down a rainbow.
Mike: Really? Do you like rainbows or do you like wizards?
Rick: I like rainbows. Wizards are cool but….
Mike: Wizards are fucking cool. Did you watch Mr. Wizard’s World?
Rick: I fucking loved Mr. Wizard’s World!