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Wizards, Rainbows & Destroying Things

Wizards, Rainbows & Destroying Things

Enter the wonderful world of Rick Anstotz of Yards Brewing — full of unicorns, rainbows, wizards, and of course, Slayer.

Mike: I guess I probably have to ask you questions about shit.

Rick: I feel like we’re on a date. Should we get a candle?

Mike: I like candles. Do you like candles?

Rick: We do have a candle in Kehoe’s office.

Mike: A candle is definite ambiance for Rick. He likes a subtle flame.

Rick goes to Tom Kehoe’s office to get a candle and returns to have a conversation on their decisions in life that have made their mothers most happy (cutting their hair topped both of their lists).

Mike: What was the happiest day of your life?

Rick: The day I met my fiancé.

Mike: That’s the fucking cutest answer in the world. Look at you.

Rick: I bought you a shot the day we started dating.

Mike: You bought me a shot?

Rick: Remember I saw you at Standard Tap? I was all excited and I came over and bought shots.

Coming across as an old married couple themselves, they continue to discuss the wedding for quite some time.

Rick: Can this interview go for three hours? I don’t think we’ve actually talked about anything yet.

Mike: It probably could, but there are a few questions in there. But OK…what is your title here at Yards?

Rick: I like Sales Dictator. I just sit in a chair and yell at people all day. Actually, I sleep and then yell at people.

Mike: Cushy job. What did you start at Yards as?

Rick: I was a keg cleaner.

Mike: No shit. This is like a success story. Like a rags to riches story.

Rick: Rudy. It’s like Rudy! I moved up to bottling monkey. I wanted to move towards brewing but they told me I like to talk to people too much so they wanted me to be a sales rep. They handed me some sales sheets and said, “Here you go.”

Mike: You use to be my favorite Yards employee, but Kristin is my favorite now.  Just pointing it out… Kristen is definitely my favorite.

Rick: That’s fine.

Mike: If you weren’t working in the beer industry, what would you do? Dream job?

Rick: I’d probably just do a lot of drugs and write death metal [music].

Mike: I kind of expected half of that story.

Rick: The drug part? If I didn’t do beer, I’d continue to play in a metal band but I’d probably be doing something with environmental sciences.

Mike: Fucking tree-hugger metal head.

Rick: I like science. It’s fun. I read Space.com all the time.

This leads to a ten minute conversation about Myspace which logically leads to Rick talking about riding Falcor at a film studio in Germany.

Mike: What are your top 5 favorite bands, not in alphabetical order?

Rick: Nine Inch Nails, Black Dahlia Murder, In Flames…

Mike: (interrupting) I like that you listened and didn’t list them in alphabetical order. That’s awesome!

Rick: …Darkest Hour and Slayer. I love Slayer but the recent change, the guitarist just died, it was a sad day. In metal terms, one of those sad days that’s the equivalent of Michael Jackson in the beer industry dying.

Mike: I thought you meant the pop artist.

Rick: I mean, I cried that day too.

Mike: It was sad.

Rick: The whole Slayer thing is a huge part of me.

Mike: If you could be a natural disaster what would you be?

Rick: That’s awesome. Does Armageddon count?

Mike: Armageddon isn’t really a natural disaster.

Rick: It is natural because it’s the end of the world.

Mike: It depends really if we get into God.

This leads to a ten minute discussion about Def Leppard and their Halloween costume plans for next year…and then back to the question:

Rick: I’m going to have to get deep with this one. It’s got to be brutal.

Mike: It only has to be brutal if you want it to be. You could be a really nasty hailstorm.

Rick: Maybe acid rain that catches on fire, that’s like fire from the skies.

Mike: I don’t know if that’s possible, actually.

Rick: So maybe like a typhoon.

Mike: I think you’re better than that.

Rick: Other than Armageddon, I can’t think of a cooler natural disaster…I want to destroy.

Mike: I think you’d want to be locusts or something.

Rick: Locusts are cool but that’s a plague. Maybe a super awesome earthquake where the tectonic plates completely separate and swallow an entire continent.

Mike: In a non-industrial area so people don’t die. Would you want to kill a lot of people if you were a natural disaster?

Rick: If I was a natural disaster, I might as well take the world with me. Would I be dying too or am I just a natural disaster? It’s not really a disaster if I don’t kill anyone. If I just swallow up an empty island, it’s just a natural occurrence. A natural disaster is when something awful happens.

Mike: That’s fine. They were probably assholes anyways.

Rick: They were probably dicks.

Mike: So, you like natural disasters. That’s good to know

Mike: If you had the choice of seeing a wizard sliding down a rainbow or a unicorn riding in a kangaroo’s pouch, which would you rather see?

Rick: Wizard sliding down a rainbow.

Mike: Really? Do you like rainbows or do you like wizards?

Rick: I like rainbows. Wizards are cool but….

Mike: Wizards are fucking cool. Did you watch Mr. Wizard’s World?

Rick: I fucking loved Mr. Wizard’s World!

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