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A Motley Christmas Crew

A Motley Christmas Crew

By Chris Maurer

Imagine you were suddenly abducted from Missouri in 1988, traveled outer space for over twenty years, and then ended up here in Philly during the wintery months. Now imagine you’ve got aliens from across the galaxy tagging along. Welcome to the world of Peter Quill!

Wait, you might know him by another name…the legendary outlaw Star-Lord!


Ah, forget it.

He’s the defacto leader of Marvel Comics Guardians of the Galaxy, and he has returned to Earth! Only now he’s got a talking tree named Groot, and a mouthy alien named Rocket by his side! Just don’t call him a raccoon, trust me.

They’ve journeyed to the cold Northeast because Star-Lord is on the hunt for the perfect seasonal beer to complement his homecoming. Given all the amazing winter brews found around the Philadelphia area, the problem is not going to be finding a beer. No, the dilemma is going to be in getting an adventurer who’s been off-world for two decades and his alien teammates who have never even seen Earth, to all agree on the same thing!

Rocket will no doubt want something good and strong, like a Victory Old Horizontal, because, well, he wants to get horizontal. Star-Lord may want the full-bodied witbier offered by Iron Hill’s Santa’s Little Helper because it reminds him of something from childhood. And Groot, well, all he can say is “GROOT!”

The “discussion” would probably look something like this: The sweet cherry of Fegley’s Rude Elf’s Reserve! GROOT! The crisp pear taste of DFH Piercing Pils! GROOT! Neshaminy Creek Neshaminator! Yards Rye! GROOT! GROOT! GROOT!

If you’ve seen the hit movie, you can imagine just how this debate would go. Arguments would follow, harsh words would be thrown back and forth (Rocket would certainly get called a rodent), but slowly each one’s eyes would fall on the approaching figures of Drax the Destroyer and Gamora.

The other two members of the Guardians have heard tales of a jolly old fat man, a gift-giving elf who has gone missing, and they have decided the team must help.

It’s a rescue mission centered on The Martians Kidnap Santa! Egg Nog Stout made by Spring House Brewing. Take the fact that Star-Lord was abducted from his home by aliens, and that this entire team is compromised of other-worldly heroes, there’s no beer more appropriate for this misfit crew.

Add the fact that ‘tis the holiday season, and this beer is described on the official website as a “Rich, creamy stout with an extra dose of holiday cheer,” feels just right!

Yeah, we know it’s just the beer’s name, and that there may not be an actual Santa Claus for Martians to abduct, but you try explaining that to someone as scary as Drax!


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